Friday, May 27, 2011
When you hurt enough you will be ready to except you need to change what is going wrong. I have been told that plenty of times lately but never thought much about what that meant until Thursday May 26Th, 2011. I want my 100 pounds lost back. I will get it back to. That's all I will say for now.
In my current situation it would be my weight loss up and down journey. Lately however weight gain.
When I first started changing my nutrition and exercise routines August 2008 I started weight watchers and used my gym membership.
I remember while working out I would be walking around with my big and bulky portable CD player. Wishing this whole time I would have an i pod. As time went on I kept complaining to everyone I don't care about cost I am buying an i pod. I was told no you don't need that right now. You have other things to be worrying about. So needless to say I didn't go out and buy one. shocking I know.March 2009, I was working one Sunday morning at Hollywood video and before the store opened my family came and surprised me. At that time I was close to losing my first 100 pounds. Well they went together and got me a hot pink i pod shuffle and had it engraved. (100 AND BEYOND! WAY TO GO BECKY). I remember that moment all the time of how excited I was. To A) reach 100 pounds lost. B) get an i pod.
Since then I have kept that 100 pounds off. I have dropped more here and there but over time i gained it back. Over time i ended up quitting weight watchers. Since I knew the program I thought I would be OK to stop going.
Over the past 3 to 4 months i became depressed for whatever reasons And started gaining weight again. But I'm still in denial at this time of what I am doing. I just keep thinking tomorrow I will have a better nutritional day. Well tomorrow comes and goes. I didn't change anything. A week passes by its time to weigh again. I have gained. The circle starts again.
I am at that point that I no longer have lost 100 pounds. I have gained 13 pounds just recently. For now I have given my i pod to a coworker that I trust at the dental office to hold on to it until I reach that 100 pound mark. I know it sounds strange to do that. But I felt that it was necessary to do at this time.
I asked Mike Wednesday May 25,2011 that afternoon sometime when I'm at the gym will you help me LIFT 100 pounds? He asked LIFT or LOSE 100 pounds? I said LIFT. Since i had started gaining weight again. I wanted to see what it was like lifting and walking with that extra 100 pounds on me. But, Then after he asked that question it got me thinking more. I NEED TO CHANGE WHAT I AM DOING NUTRITIONALLY. ITS NOT WORKING. and i also need to lose more weight. Little did Mike know what he was asking would get me on this mission. Instead of waiting until next week when I get to the gym. When I was working Friday night at Scheels i decided to go ahead and lift 90 pounds. Because that was the heaviest weight I could find at that time to lift. I was amazed how heavy that actually felt. And just think that is what I used to be walking around with daily with no choice.
Thursday May 26, 2011 during lunch I decided to go online and see when there was weight watchers meetings. I found a time that worked out perfect. Next thing I know I was walking through those doors once again. I am ready to make the change which is well over needed. I weighed in at 267 pounds. That is unacceptable Next week needs to be a loss.
After my Weight Watcher meeting I proceeded to go to my gamblers anonymous group meeting. There is this Blue little book that is called A DAY AT A TIME. We always have someone in the group read the reading of the day aloud. Me personally I randomly read it from day to day. This reading got personal to me because now I am going back to weight watchers. The reading was all about asking for help. Here it goes.
REFLECTION OF THE DAY MAY 26Th
I know today I will not have to proceed on my own. I've learned that its safer, more sensible and surer to move forward with friends who are going in the same direction as I. None should feel shame for asking for help, since we all help each other. Its no more a sign of weakness to use help in recovering from an addiction than it is to use a crutch if I have a broken leg. To those who need it, and to those who see its use fullness, a crutch is a beautiful thing.
DO I SOMETIMES STILL REFUSE TO ACCEPT OBTAINED ASSISTANCE?
TODAY I PRAY
God make me see that it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, that the camaraderie of the group is what makes it work for each of us.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Help is as near my telephone, computer, or meeting
I will post an update of a loss or gain next weekend. I don't weight in until Thursday night. Thanks again for your support. Have a great night.